He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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