I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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