why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
