i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
