Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
