well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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