I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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