Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A+ Viking dick
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