There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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