Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
