wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
