the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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