I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
