Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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