yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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