Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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