:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
