did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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