I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
