wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
