You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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