Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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