Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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