I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize