What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
