If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
