Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
