You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
