Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
