Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
