Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
