hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
