cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
