Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
