a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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