I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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