i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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