Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
