Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
