you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
