so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
3 2 1 whiskey
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
