you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize