So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
