Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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