So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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