There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
