im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What drink are we having for lunch?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
