I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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