my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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