its not stalking. its research.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
