That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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