Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize