Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
