Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
