Will you blow on my dice?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
