Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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