whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He did a backflip because drugs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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