So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
