you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
