she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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