Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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