my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
