so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
