there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize