that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize