Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
