Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
