Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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