I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Alive.
So much puke
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
